Why am I so down?

Why do I get depressed?

Is it when I’ve been pushing hard for 3 months and suddenly try to put the breaks on my work pace?

Is it when we arrive at our 2nd home, I”m overwhelmed with all the things that need to be done around the place?

Is it that when I’m weary of making decisions, that there are still decisions to make about social plans?

Is it that while I’m trying to kick-back, I’m still getting phone calls about difficult situations at work?

Is it those social events where the music is too loud, tables are too crowded, everyone shouting to be heard and still you can’t hear more than half the conversation?

Is it the nagging heaviness of the job that keeps popping into my brain when I’m trying not to think of work?

Is it the guilt I feel when I’m not Mr. Happy around spouse, grandkids and friends?

Why do I feel this heaviness? Why am I in this black hole? Why do I walk under this cloud? Why can’t I just snap out of it?

Why do I get so depressed when I should be happy?

The Psalmist must have felt this way. He asked the same question?

“Why am I cast down, O my soul? Why so disquieted within me?”

His writings are full of discouragement, depression, defeatism?

Do you think Jesus in His humanity felt alone and depressed when we withdrew to a lonely place to pray all night? When he said to his followers “Couldn’t you even stay up with me for one hour in my time of need?”

I don’t want to medicate my way to happiness and balance. I’d like to exercise my way to joy. I’d like to feel those endorphins giving me back my mojo. I’d like to take a 20 hour nap that would restore my personality and energy.

How much of this would be better if I were closer to God? My life verse is Psalm 16:11. “In your presence there is fullness of joy.” So could I have more joy if I sought God’s presence more fully?

Is this a spiritual problem, a DNA issue, a fatigue factor, an inherent emotional weakness? I don’t know. I only know I don’t like it.

Maybe I’m down because i’m putting too much faith in myself, not enough on God. My feelings, sadly, go up and down. But He is constant. The same yesterday, today, tomorrow.

So as I seek to be more godly, perhaps I need to seek His constancy, His stability. Maybe I need to let the one who promised to make the rough places plain to exalt the valleys and and lower every big mountain.

I’ve discussed this with my wife. She says I haven’t been myself, whatever that is. Hopefully I’ll wake up in the morning and things will look brighter. I won’t be annoyed by every little thing. I’ll be in my groove again. I’ll feel right with the world. I’ll feel close to God again. Maybe I’ll be a better husband, father, friend.

Back to David: Psalm 42:11 from the Message:

Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? 
      Why are you crying the blues? 
   Fix my eyes on God— 
      soon I'll be praising again. 
   He puts a smile on my face. 
      He's my God.

Maybe if I fix my eyes on God, I’ll be smiling again.